im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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