I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize