..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
