she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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