I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
