If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
