so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
