6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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