while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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