I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We have started to decorate penises.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
