while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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