I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
