i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
