garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
