Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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