but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
