so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
