I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
