i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
