never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
