I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
