and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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