Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
