This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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