the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
