How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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