why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
