he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.