You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
