They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
