id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
