I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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