I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
