I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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