Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
