Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
