you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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