he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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