if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i need some magic done to my vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
