he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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