weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
