I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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