So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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