This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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