dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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