It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
