Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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