sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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