It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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