Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
