I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What a dumb baby whore.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
