Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're so committed to being not committed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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