Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
