She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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