If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
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