Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
