i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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