We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
