I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
