i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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