hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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