Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
