Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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