Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
