My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
