ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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