my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
