at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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