i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
