I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My hand turned me down
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
