Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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