I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
