There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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